


Talk to Me

by IdrewAcow



Category: Vocaloid
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:41:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25821553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IdrewAcow/pseuds/IdrewAcow
Summary: A short story about basic young adult angst, respecting legitimate growth, and the importance of communication.
Relationships: Hatsune Miku/Megurine Luka
Kudos: 24





	Talk to Me

**Author's Note:**

> A cross-post from Fanfiction, beta-read by Kokodoru! Written in response to a prompt.

The spring weather was absolutely divine that day. The bright sun, gentle breeze, and perfect temperature made it the perfect time to go outside and spend a few hours with her friends. Miku had been looking forward to the day for a few weeks; with all of her friends studying different things, finding a day where they all had the free time had been a nigh herculean task. But when the two twins met the tealette at an otherwise unoccupied picnic table, they found her worried and distracted.

"Ey Meeks!" Rin greeted her, plopping down on the bench next to her. "How've you been?"

Miku gave the two of them a filtered smile. "Just fine. It's been a while."

"Sure has!" Len replied, already settled on her other side. "Is Gumi around?"

"She'll be a little bit late," the tealette replied with a wave of her phone. "How have you two been?"

"Oh, you know, the usual. Len's going to graduate from his fancy literary school soon."

"And Rin got another warning from her boss."

Miku chuckled. "Another?"

"Hey, it's written on my file; 'Do not leave unsupervised in the presence of large vehicles.'"

"She took a dump truck out for a spin."

"Rin!"

"It was barely ten meters! I didn't break anything this time, either."

"This time?!"

Len chuckled. "This time. Probably best if you don't know."

"Oh dear," Miku said with a slight smile. "I guess it's been a while since we all got caught up properly."

"Are you kidding me? Last time all four of us managed to meet up, you hadn't moved in with Luka yet."

"Really? Has it been that long?"

"Sure has!" an unexpected fourth voice chorused in. The twins cheered as Gumi hugged them all from behind before she took a seat across from the trio. "It's been almost a year!"

"I can't believe it," Miku muttered, but it was true; last summer, they had all traveled at different times, and once studies had resumed, all bets were off. 

Gumi repeated the standard 'how have you been's with the twins, hearing the same story with the dump truck, before she turned her attention to Len and Miku. "So, you two are going to graduate this year!"

"Next month!" the boy chirped. 

"So close, yet so far," his twin teased.

"And how's that going?"

"Pretty well," Miku replied. "My mentor says my projects are good, so I shouldn't run into nasty surprises."

"Same here. I'll have a novel published soon enough!" Len announced proudly.

"And a music album from Miku, I'm guessing?"

"Maybe."

Rin chuckled. "Now tell us what's gotten you all down, Miku! We saw the long face you were making."

"Yeah. You're a bit out of it," Gumi said carefully. 

"It's nothing serious," Miku tried to wave it away. "How are your studies going, Gumi? You started your first year in a Master's, right? For history?"

The taller girl shook her head. "Nuh-uh, not getting out of this one. What's up?"

Miku glanced at her three friends; they had all been joined at the hip since middle school and knew one another like the back on their hands. She sighed, knowing that she should have expected her friends to notice her state. 

"I visited my parent's house yesterday."

"Visited?" Gumi asked. "Oh, that's right! You moved out, right?"

"Moved in with her girlfriend," Rin sang.

"Right," Gumi muttered. "So, what happened?"

"Couldn't talk about it with your girlfriend?" Rin teased again.

"She was already at work by the time I came home. And she was sleeping this morning, so I didn't want to wake her up..."

"She works nights?"

"Yes."

The twins and Gumi eyed one another, a triangle around the tealette. "Alright."

"She's a night guard at the local natural history museum," Miku explained, a proud smile on her face. 

"That's awesome."

"Does she get a uniform to wear to that?" Rin asked.

"Yes, she does."

The blonde hummed appreciatively at the thought. 

"What happened with your parents, though?"

Miku's smile fell. "Oh. Well. We talked about graduation and everything, how I'll be done with my bachelor in a few short weeks. Future plans, all that stuff."

"So?"

"They wondered about my future with Luka, too," Miku continued with some difficulty. "We've been going out for almost three years now, and we've been living together for half of that time, but... I don't know. They started picking at details."

"What kind of details?"

"Now that I'm done with this step, I can start planning my future a little, they said. Consider a Master's, that kind of thing. But they asked if I really wanted to stay with Luka for very long."

The three others exchanged another careful glance. Gumi said, "They've always kind of hated that you're with a girl. That's no secret."

"I know, I know. They're probably hoping that they can put a wedge between us. But they brought up that we can't get married. We can't adopt either, legally."

"Which is messed up," Rin muttered.

"It is! But they said things like 'Don't you want to move into the future with a more stable partner? Find someone you can marry and build a real future with?'" Miku shook her head. "Which is all stupid. I know that not being able to get married means we don't benefit from some perks straight couples do. But I don't care. I love Luka. It was just bouncing around in my mind a little. I was going to vent about it with her later this afternoon. It's no real problem." 

The trio exchanged yet another glance, and this time Miku saw it. "What?"

Gumi cleared her throat. "Well, thing is..."

"Maybe your parents have a point?" Rin blurted.

"Not because you're dating a woman!" Len hurried to add. "It's just..."

"It's just that it's Luka," Gumi finished.

A frown crossed Miku's features. "This again?"

"I know, we've been over this!" Gumi said, holding her hands up defensively. 

"And I know we haven't all seen each other in literally ages, so it's kind of scummy to talk about this now," Rin added. "But you gotta admit that the situation always has been kind of rocky."

"Luka has never been an...amazing person, much less a partner," the boy said, choosing his words with care. "She was known for that."

"She was. She isn't anymore. She supports the both of us."

Another glance shared between the trio. "You said she works nights, right?"

"Yes. Eleven to six."

"Convenient, if you ask me," Rin muttered.

"Hey!"

"Do you work?" Gumi quickly asked. 

"Wh— No?"

"So she pays rent?"

"Yes?"

"And your parents still pay for your studies?"

Miku frowned. "No. Luka's helping with that now."

When the trio shared another glance, the tealette growled, "I know how it looks."

"You know, and you know that Luka has the high school reputation of being the school's biggest Grade A scumbag. Worse yet, she's got control over your life at this point; when she relapses, she'll have all that to dangle over your head."

"Well, now that you're graduating, it would be the perfect time to get out and move home," Rin muttered. "Maybe your parents know that."

"Hold on a second! 'When'?" Miku asked. "You haven't even seen her in all the time that we've been dating. You don't know her!"

Gumi gave her a half-shrug. "Sure, maybe we don't. But we did. We all did. And when you first got into that, we always were really worried. We're not saying this to be mean, you know! But if I were with someone like her, I'd expect you guys to keep an eye out, too."

"We had talked about her past when we got together."

"And Luka has such a great track record of keeping her word," Rin said with a roll of her eye. 

"It always has felt like it was a matter of time," Gumi admitted. "Every time I get a text from just you, I think 'Oh my God, it happened'."

"Sooner or later, Luka's either going to dump you, or make you dump her. She just isn't a person who commits," Len explained. "She's been like that with all of her relationships, her jobs..."

"Even her family," Rin added. "It might take a few years, but she gets tired of everything."

"I'm pretty sure the only thing she managed to hold on to for any amount of time was her dog," Gumi said.

Rin sat up. "No way, she didn't even keep her own dog?"

"It's her brothers now, I think." Gumi told them.

"Yeah, Gakupo has it."

"She dropped out of high school."

"Had... At least fifteen different relationships in the last two years there."

"She managed to juggle like four of them at one point. Over the summer."

"But her longest job? She dealt drugs, didn't she? She kept at it for what, two solid years?" Rin turned to Miku. "How long has she been a security guard?"

Miku frowned and stood. "I think I'm going to go home."

The trio exchanged another glance.

"I'll be completely honest," Len muttered, the sincerity in his voice enough to make the tealette pause. "Even though I don't know what exactly your parents said, and I'll admit I don't know Luka that well, from everything I do know, it might not be a bad idea to... Start fresh once you can."

His sister nodded. "Sure, your parents don't exactly stand on the right side of the moral argument, but they still have a point; Luka just isn't reliable. Woman or not."

Gumi added, "We've all been disappointed by her time and time again. We remember the way she treated all of us, including you."

"There's a reason we cut ties with her," Len reminded her.

"Maybe you should give it some thought. In case you have just a bit of doubt."

Miku said nothing and walked away.

* * *

Miku walked home, a bitter taste in her mouth and heart heavy. 

The first time she could meet up with her three best friends, and they didn't even spend ten minutes together! Worse yet, they spent every single minute picking through a relationship they knew nothing of with too fine a comb. 

She knew that they weren't entirely wrong; the Luka they had grown up with, the one that they once knew, had been a terribly self-centered, easy to bore, and hard to please delinquent. 

But she had grown so much. Ever since they had gotten together, before even, Luka had worked so hard on self-improvement and on committing. They hadn't seen that. They hadn't been around to see that. Gumi was halfway across the country for most of the time, Rin at her job and Len deep in his own studies; they didn't have the time to even think about a person who had once wronged them to the nth degree. 

They were wrong. All of them were wrong and Miku knew it. She knew that Luka had taken a night job because it paid very well and paired with her martial arts hobby. She knew that it was irresponsible to rely on her entirely, but she also knew that once the summer came, she would find her own job and finally pitch in her half of the rent and take over her student debt. She didn't know what she was going to do or for how long and had no idea what she wanted as a long term career but...

Fists balled at her sides, the wind in her face, Miku slowed her pace and forced herself to breathe regularly. 

She knew that everybody she knew and loved had been biased against their relationship from the start. Her parents were still in deep denial about her sexuality, and she couldn't erase Luka's past crimes against their friends. 

All that said, all those things considered, she had to admit one thing: she also knew it was an awful sign when literally everybody in your life insisted that something was a bad idea.

She knew that Luka still struggled sometimes; she hadn't cheated or quit her job or abandoned a hobby, but open communication remained a challenge. She could spend too much. She could be short-sighted. She was still very impulsive.

And they couldn't get married.

Miku didn't want to care about that. She didn't want to think that being able to make it a formal arrangement influenced how she felt about it all. But it also meant that they could not adopt, could not sign in certain ways on financial forms, that it would influence their finances, their debts, their eventual inheritance. 

Rin's very last sentence to her cut through her like a knife; this slightest sliver of doubt wiggled in and dug deep in her brain. 

Luka's impulsive nature was the biggest point of concern. She tried her best and had managed to stay dependable for the most part, her heart was in the right place, Miku loved her so, but...she remained just that tiny bit unreliable. 

Her pace slowed as she approached their home. It was a cheap two-room apartment on the third floor, with the washing machine and dryer in the basement, no dishwasher, no elevator, but it was home. Luka paid for it and her studies all on her own. Miku could count on one hand the number of times she had to pay for one month with her own pocket money because Luka had accidentally spent too much. She hadn't minded; she felt it was fair that sometimes she chipped in, since she lived there, too. They were her studies.

But Luka had promised she didn't ever have to worry about it.

And Luka had promised a lot of things.

Miku closed the front door of the building behind her, a scowl on her face. She couldn't believe she was entertaining their suggestions for even a second. Nobody was perfect, after all. Everybody messed up sometimes. Hell, even Rin had gotten another warning from her boss, right?

She sighed and started the long climb up the stairs. 

It was all stupid. She didn't have to plan her whole future right away, after all. She was going to graduate, get a job, and figure out where to direct her career from there. Hopefully, she would gain some traction online with her music, and maybe get some extra money in. She didn't have an album in the way that Len had a novel on the way, but she had ideas. Very vague ideas. 

Very, very vague and unreliable ideas. 

As she reached her floor, she heard a faint noise come through the front door. The sound of rhythmic, muffled impacts, a few grunts here and there. 

Miku unlocked the door, finding her girlfriend in the corner, her back facing her, punching the ever-living shit out of her punching bag. She had her earphones in, and even from across the room the tealette could hear the drums of her high-energy rock song. 

She locked the door behind her and stood there for a moment. With no coat to take off due to the magnificent weather, she only had to slip off her sandals and step into her loafers while Luka breathed, punched, breathed again. 

At her therapist's recommendation, she had taken up martial arts; it was a hobby that involved other people, that involved discipline and trust, which required dedicated practice which reaped visible rewards. The taller woman had taken to it like fish to water, initially liking the physical aspects of the sport and how it let her vent her emotions and energy, and ultimately staying for the respect shared between her, her classmates and her master. That strict but nurturing environment had sculpted her into a totally different person.

Sometimes, Luka felt lazy and skipped a class. But not once had she used her new knowledge to damage anything or to harm Miku. She hadn't even come close: if the principles of the sport had been religious text, then Luka was pious beyond comparison. 

Plus, thanks to it Luka was absolutely ripped and Miku liked that a lot. 

Still oblivious to her presence, Luka continued punching away at the bag. The tealette admired her; she was the most beautiful woman she had ever seen. She had always been. 

Miku supposed that might have been a bad sign from the start; she was the last of their friends to stay by her side, her patience never wavering even after Luka committed petty crimes and cheated on multiple people. Nothing was ever enough to break her resolution, for some reason. Even when she was hurt as well. She had always loved Luka, in a way. It was much more senseless and foolish back then, and Miku wanted to believe that as they had grown, her love was based more and more on truth. But maybe it wasn't.

She remembered that saying: 'When you're wearing rose-tinted glasses, red flags become regular flags.' Part of her argued that they had passed that stage of Disney-like magic. The new speck of doubt grew though; how could she ever tell? If she was being deceived, she wouldn't know. That was the whole point. 

It really was funny that she always had been the very only one to defend Luka. Even her parents had kicked her out. Even her brother had cut ties, saving the neglected dog while he was at it.

So why was Miku so convinced? 

"Miku!" Luka greeted her, pulling her earphones out. "You're back!"

"Yeah."

"That's early; you left just a little while ago," the taller woman said, walking up to her. "Could the others not make it or something?"

"You're awake," Miku muttered.

"Yeah, I couldn't stay asleep. Figure I'd catch up on sleep this evening before work."

"Oh."

Luka planted a small kiss on her brow. "I'd hug you, but I'm all gross; haven't showered since yesterday."

"It's alright..."

That's when Luka's smile dropped. "Is everything ok?"

Miku didn't reply at first, which worried the taller woman even more. "I'm not sure."

"What's up, love?" When the tealette took a while to reply again, she chuckled half-heartedly. "Guess it's finally my turn to pressure you into communicating with me. How about I shower, make us some grilled cheese, and we talk about it?"

Miku smiled; this was exactly how she convinced the other woman to open up to her during difficult moments. She'd give her time to collect her thoughts, entice/reward her with a treat, and wordlessly promise that they would work against it together. Perhaps that was underhanded, too. Perhaps their entire relationship was built on underhanded tricks.

She shook her head. "I was thinking that... Maybe I need to spend some time alone?"

"What do you mean?"

"Graduation is soon for me, and I need to finish my project in the next few days. I should probably take that time to focus..."

A bold-faced lie; Miku had worked with her present for countless hours without any issue. 

"Did... Did your parents say something yesterday?"

"Nothing they haven't said already," Miku said truthfully.

"What's this all about, then?"

"I was just thinking," the tealette muttered, not knowing how she ever planned to finish that sentence. She grabbed her bag, where she kept all of her work. Most of it was on her computer, anyway. 

"Did I do something?"

"No. But..." Miku trailed off, once again having nothing to end her sentence with. She made for the door and put her sandals back on. "I think I need to go. Just a few days?"

"Miku." Luka grabbed her then, firmly, by the shoulders. "Please tell me what's going on. Please."

"I need to go."

The taller woman hesitated, tears gathering at the corners of her eyes, and slowly released her. "Where will you be?"

"My parents."

"...Ok. Can I call?"

Miku didn't know what to answer. She couldn't answer. Instead, she left, closing the door behind her, telling herself over and over again that she needed the distance to get some perspective. Either she had made a grave mistake years prior, or she was making one right then, and she intended to figure that out one way or another.

* * *

Miku walked on auto-pilot for an indeterminable amount of time before she realized that she had no idea where she actually wanted to go. Of course, her only option was to stay at her parent's house; she couldn't afford a hotel, and asking to stay at one of her friends' was a recipe for trouble. 

When she reached a bus stop, she sat down and thought. 

The weather was still absolutely breathtaking. She couldn't care less. 

She didn't want to go back to her parents. She didn't want to hear more of their 'I told you so's, their 'You need a real, dependable man', their 'It's fantastic you're finally seriously thinking about your future's and 'So you finally decided to stop playing around's. Their well-intended but bigoted advice was also biased; exactly what she didn't need.

She wanted an unbiased opinion. Somebody who cared for her well-being, open-minded.

While she scrolled through her contact list, a name caught her eye.

Kaito; her mentor at school, a well-established artist in the country, professional composer, lyricist, and general songwriter extraordinaire, he already had Miku's respect before she even met the man. After collaborating for almost three years at that point, though, she felt lucky to be able to call him a friend. Not a terribly close friend, but a friend nonetheless. 

She dialed his number.

"Ey, Miku!" he greeted after four rings. "What's up?"

"I was wondering if you had free time."

"Yeah, sure. What part of your project is bothering you?"

She steeled herself. "It's not the project."

"Oh?"

"...I need help."

He was silent for a moment before he said, "Sure. Come on over."

"Thank you."

"No problem. I'll have tea ready."

She thanked him again before hanging up; they always had tea during their work sessions, no matter where they were. While she knew where he lived, they had worked at his house only once before and wondered if he could tell that she didn't intend to bother him with even vaguely school-related worries at all.

She took a bus towards his home, glancing at her phone every minute, just waiting for a text from him saying that she couldn't come, or worse yet, a text from Luka.

Miku wanted to weep every time she even thought about the other woman. She had just left her there, with no information other than her eventual return 'in a few days'. She was probably devastated, heartbroken.

Or she didn't care.

She hadn't texted yet. 

And she still hadn't texted by the time Miku walked up to Kaito's home, a small house in a packed neighborhood outside of the bustling heart of the city. She didn't see the beautiful flowers the man kept in his minuscule front garden, didn't acknowledge the cat that darted from under the car as she approached. She knocked on the door with no script in mind.

He opened the door, expression serious.

"This isn't about school at all, isn't it," he stated.

She shook her head.

"Right."

"I'm sorry. I don't have anybody else to turn to right now."

He nodded and stepped aside. "Come on in."

His living space was cluttered; tons of random, colorful objects littered every corner of the room. Random art hung on every available surface of the wall. The floor was hidden under boxes and carpets and furniture.

Yet, she could see the windows, there was ample room to sit and stretch. The space was full but functional. It was distracting. She could breathe a bit. Kaito handed her a steaming hot mug of tea; it smelled of bergamot and lavender.

"Now, sit down and tell me what it's all about," Kaito said as he made himself comfortable in an armchair. When Miku sat down, the hot mug of tea in hand, he added with a sly smile, "I am legally obligated to tell you that I am no expert in anything."

She grinned, the smile not quite reaching her eyes. "I just want some advice."

"Alright. Shoot."

"Have you met Luka?"

"Briefly."

After a brief inhale, Miku recounted him the whole story, starting from how they had met. He didn't ask why, didn't ask how long it would take, and merely listening, sipping his tea. Miku told him how they grew up together in primary school, how they met Gumi, Len and Rin in middle school, how they were inseparable until high school.

Luka had always been an impatient, selfish kid. The behavior got worse as they reached adolescence, and Miku struggled to tell the honest truth as the image of the pinkette darkened. But the tealette told how the twins and Gumi had cut ties with their friend, how Luka had hit on her one night at a party shortly before high school graduation, how Miku gave her a tongue-lashing worthy of a medal.

Despite the negative emotions of the memory, Miku smiled during that part; she had been so patient with Luka during all those years. She did her best to be an understanding friend. So when the pinkette had approached her that night, clothes far too snug, hands in all the wrong places, those overused words rolling from her lips, Miku lost it. 

Either Luka was going to treat her as a friend, or she was going to be her girlfriend. There would be no in-between, no compromise, and if Luka would try to take the easy road to sample the best of both worlds even one more time, then it was all off the table. They would be through.

One strike was all she got. One and she's out.

It was a pivotal point. The evening had been emotionally harrowing, but it had been the start of so much good.

Miku told Kaito how Luka had snapped out of it, seemingly overnight. Sure, she was still a petty criminal, sure she still dropped out, sure she still handed over the dog and couldn't keep a job and got disowned by her parents, but since Miku was the only one who still cared, she was the only one to see those small steps she had started taking. 

Luka got a job, started therapy. Lost that job, started martial arts. That was when they started dating.

"Just like that?" Kaito asked out of the blue.

"Not quite. She approached me. It was after her third class I think, and she had made a detour to buy me flowers. We were supposed to hang out like any other late summer day but it became our first date instead."

Kaito nodded, waved his hand to let her continue.

Her friends didn't like it. Even after proper re-introductions, Miku's parents didn't like it. After finishing her second year of studies, she moved in with her anyway; Luka had just started her job as a night guard and not only did she love it, it would support them both. 

Fast forward to the two previous days, and Miku slowly told of the conversation she had with her parents, and then the one with her friends, and finally how she had left Luka earlier.

"And that's why I'm here."

He nodded slowly, before standing to pour them each their third mug of tea. 

"That's all quite a tale," he said as he sat back down. "Now, you're worried about…?"

"Whether my friends are right about Luka or not. They say that if it looks like a duck and it quacks like a duck..."

"But Luka hasn't been quacking for over two years," Kaito said with a laugh. 

"But how do I know she won't eventually?" Miku mumbled.

"And how do I know that you won't suddenly decide to pour your tea over the top of my head? I served you some anyway."

She relaxed and stared at her tea. "I'm just afraid she's been stringing me along or something. That she's cornered me into this."

"Cornered? Into the relationship?"

"Yeah."

He thought for a moment. "She say anything about what you'll be doing after you graduate?"

"No. She shares some ads for jobs with me sometimes."

"And earlier, she let you go when you wanted to leave?"

"Yes."

"And how do you feel usually, when you're going home? Or when you're about to leave her?"

"Relaxed? I like spending time with her, even if we aren't doing anything in particular. And I don't mind leaving her; I miss her but I can bear a few hours away."

He chuckled. "Then what's the problem? She's actively helping you find financial independence, isn't physically restraining you, and you don't feel any apprehension around her. You're not caged at all."

Miku thought about it. "Oh."

"You think she's manipulating you emotionally?"

"Maybe?"

"Are you anxious or tense around her?"

"No."

"Does she deflect blame or criticism, fail to listen, push you away from your friends and family? Does she make it an 'it's them or me' debate?"

"Not at all. Honestly, the opposite happens more often... She takes blame a bit quickly. And everybody can't wait to get me away from her even though Luka's always encouraging me to go out and spend time with my friends."

"The way I see it," he said as he shifted a bit in his chair. "You're just buckling a little because a big change is coming up; you're graduating with no real plan, so anything can happen. Your parents want this 'anything' to entail you finding a man, and your friends want you to find someone they disagree with less. Since their voices are so overwhelming and the future is so scary, it's tempting to listen."

Miku listened, a horrible shame and embarrassment growing in her with each sentence. "Oh..."

"But what happens to and with you only depends on one thing: what do you want?"

"I want to be with her! Just because I'm graduating doesn't mean everything has to change."

"There you have it."

"But..." Miku hesitated. "Everybody agrees on this! Isn't that a bad sign?"

"That's usually sound advice, but everybody is also allowed to be wrong sometimes," he said slowly. "But there is a fine line between fearing that she might potentially be abusive or unfaithful and fearing that she is already. We have been working together for almost three years now, and I have never suspected that you were living in a bad situation. And from what you just told me, she has grown to be a good and generous person, if somewhat spontaneous at times." He cleared his throat. "Of course, the moment she makes you feel anxious or offers ultimatums, that's when you need to start considering things. Fortunately, not before."

She nodded, relaxed in her seat. "I made a really big deal out of a bit of nothing, did I?"

"A storm in a teacup, maybe," he said. "But you're young and the future is scary. It happens."

"Luka will be so angry at me."

"Perhaps. And if she takes this time to prove your friends right, then at least you will have some certainty in that regard, too."

Miku frowned. "It hasn't been a day since I left her."

"Well, if you described your friends' opinion right, it sure sounds like an hour would be enough according to them. But not for the Luka you know and told me about."

"I guess now is as good of a time as ever to find out."

"Indeed. And what about whatever it is your parents said, about marriage and all that?"

"It sucks that we can't make it official, formally," Miku mumbled. "But to be honest, it's not enough to stop me from caring about her. "

"Sounds like that sums up your answer in general," He stretched and stood. "Now, that was all very inspiring and I'm sure to write a whole album about this tonight, but I'm afraid it's getting late."

"It is?!"

"Quite."

With all the random lights on around them, Miku hadn't even noticed that the sun had descended to greet the horizon. It wasn't nighttime quite yet, but it sure would be once she got back home.

Home to Luka, not her parents.

"I need to go," she said in a hurry, picking up her bag. 

"The next bus is in ten minutes!" he called after her.

"Thank you, Kaito!"

"My pleasure!"

She closed the door behind her and darted off, refusing to miss her bus; the one thereafter would be another thirty minutes and she had no intention of making Luka wait nearly half as long.

* * *

The wait for the bus to arrive was absolutely maddening, even if it was only a few minutes. Once it arrived, though, all she could do was wait even more. She counted the seconds, glanced around anxiously whenever the bus breaked or stopped. Even though the later hour made the trip a little smoother than what it would usually be, it was unbelievably frustrating that she couldn’t will the bus to go any faster, and couldn’t prevent any hiccup along the way, no matter how small. She knew that every second lost would mean another second that Luka had to wait for her, another second where she left her girlfriend without any answers to her questions. 

After the second bus stop, she couldn’t take it any longer; she pulled out her phone and called Luka’s number. She had wanted to speak to her, face to face, explain it all in person, but she just had to let her know that she was on the way, that she was coming back, that Luka didn’t have to worry.

When the second ring passed uninterrupted, then the third, and then the fourth, Miku felt her stomach drop.

She hung up, and called again.

Luka never had her phone on silent. She always answered. Because of her job, she was asleep at random hours of the day, so she insisted that Miku should be able to wake her up if she needed her. It was her way of making sure that they could always reach one another.

Once again, five rings went by with no answer. 

Miku hung up, her heart heavy. 

Regret seeped in her veins like tea spread through hot water. 

Was it the silent treatment? Was she ignoring her? Was her phone on mute? Did she just not hear it? Did she not want to hear it? Which was it? Was she out? Where was she? Was she alright? What if Miku needed her? Worse yet, what if Luka needed her? What if she would need help? 

How would she ever know? 

A long streak against the glass startled her out of her thoughts. Then another, and yet another, and before she knew it, the slow rainfall made way to a veritable downpour. From one minute to the next, the calm rumble of the bus engine was totally drowned by the thundering rain hammering the roof and glass. The noise didn't let up when she exited the vehicle, the spattering of water on the asphalt around her, the windows of buildings, metal signs all the more encouragement to get home as quickly as she could. 

Her phone remained stubbornly silent. 

When she entered the building, she was soaked; with no umbrella, she had used her bag to shield herself from the rain. The two-minute walk had been enough to drench her down to the bone nonetheless. Despite the extra water weighing her down, she rushed up the stairs, and only then, when she felt like she might cough up a lung and catch pneumonia all at the same time, did she truly consider what she might, or might not find, inside her home.

Either Luka was there, or she wasn't. Either way, she was reacting to her departure in one way or another. 

All Miku wanted was to explain herself, make up, and put this entire catastrophe behind them. She'd spoil her girlfriend in whatever way she wanted if it meant that she'd forgive her. 

If she would, however, remained Luka's choice. 

She knocked on the door softly, before trying the handle.

It was locked. 

Either Luka had locked it behind her after she had left, or she had left as well.

Miku opened the door and found the interior to be completely and totally dark. Luka was nowhere to be seen.

She was gone.

Heart in her throat, Miku quickly stepped to the bathroom to dry herself a bit and wrap her hair in a towel. She then checked the dresser and found, to her relief, that all of their clothes were still intact. None of their kitchenware was missing or broken. Perhaps the punching bag looked a little worse for wear, but it wasn't exactly new, either...

After slipping into a fresh, dry set of clothes. Miku sat on the bed, turned towards the door, and waited, with nothing to do but to slowly towel-dry her hair. 

She didn't know what exactly she was waiting for; was Luka merely on a walk? Did she go to work early? Did she go talk to her own friends? Or was she, like way back then, up to no good? Her only remaining vice was a penchant for alcohol; she might give in to that. And that was one slippery slope.

She could just as likely come back sober, come back drunk, come back with somebody else in either of those states, or not come back that night at all, gone to work and scheduled to return in the early hours of the morning.

Miku sat there, in the dark, alone, her heart the only indication that time was passing at all. How fast, she couldn't tell; depending on her thoughts, her heart would race or slow down, and her mind didn't always keep up, so it was anybody's guess how long one second was. One minute could last anywhere between a breath and an eternity.

When the outside traffic was finally down to the lonely passing car, when the noises in the stairwell died down, when Miku could feel in her bones that it was dead of night, and when even her hair was back to being as dry as it could ever be, toweled and brushed and brushed again, she took her phone and dialed again.

Behind her, a song started playing. Miku felt her throat tighten; it was a song she had written for her final project, one that she had been particularly proud of. Luka had helped her with it and said that she had loved it a lot.

She didn’t know that Luka had made it her ringtone. 

It only made the regret all the more bitter. 

She turned around, seeing the bright screen resting on Luka’s nightstand. From there, she could see her wallpaper, a photo of them after the latest karate tournament. 

Either she had forgotten the phone by accident, or by design. 

She didn’t know which she would prefer. The worst part was knowing, for absolute sure, that there was absolutely no way of reaching Luka right then.

Swallowing a fresh batch of sobs, she hung up, lifted the covers, and tucked herself in.

Part of her knew that Luka wouldn't come home; her shift had officially started hours prior. If she was even at work to begin with.

She wanted to cry. That part of her insisted that she always should have seen this coming; why would Luka, who was so much more experienced, settle on her? Why had she believed that all that conversation, sharing, conversing, that any of that mattered? 

Miku let that part of her torture her into a restless sleep. Any sound woke her, the thundering rain doing surprisingly little to mask any of it; a passing ambulance; a cat meowing shrilly out a window; footsteps in the stairwell; a loud laugh in the street below.

When the door opened, it jolted her awake with a violence she couldn't describe. But she remained still in the dark of night, waiting.

"Here you are," a deep female voice muttered. Miku couldn't place it, but it sounded familiar. "Safe and sound."

"I don't care," slurred Luka, unable to verbally cross her 't's and dot her 'i's. There was some rustling; a bag being put down, shoes being kicked off. "Don't wanna be here."

"You need to go home eventually," the unknown voice told her. “Might as well be now.”

"I don't wanna be alone. She left. She left. I... I striked out."

"You didn't."

"Why else would she have gone?" Luka sniffled, then suddenly bellowed, "She was the light of my life!"

"Shush, you," the unknown woman grumbled as she shut the door to the stairwell. 

Luka didn't care, though. She growled, "I fucked up! She's the one good thing that stuck beside me all those years and I fucked it up!"

"You don't even know why she left," the woman assured her, and Miku could hear her struggle with the other woman's coat. "I'm telling you, she'll be back and clear things up before you know it. It'll be fine."

Luka sobbed as a reply. 

"Now, you're going to get dry, get some nice rest, you're going to take tonight and tomorrow night off from work, and you'll sober up so you can talk to her when she's ready."

"Fuck work. Why even..."

"You love this job, Luka. Her being here doesn't change that." 

"Fuck...karate..."

"If I don't see you at the dojo this weekend, I'm coming to get you."

Miku could finally place it; the voice was Meiko, Luka's teacher! She slowly turned, finding Luka sitting square on her butt in front of the door, the brunette trying to get her to stand, a large puddle of water on the floor around them both. 

The tealette could feel the relief seep all the tension out of her.

"Nothing is worth shit without..." Luka trailed off, ignoring Meiko's attempts at moving her. "Just waking up next to her made my day..."

"Just get up off the floor already and go to sleep."

"No. Bed...cold."

Miku wondered if she ought to speak or turn on a light. She opted for the former, gently clearing her throat and saying, "I'm here."

"Jesus Fucking Christ!" Meiko flinched like she just about jumped out of her skin, but once she found Miku's profile in the dark, she quickly relaxed. "Damn. Didn't even see you there."

That was when Miku turned on the nightstand light.

Luka was a mess. Even sopping wet, Miku could see that her untied hair was disheveled, her eyes were red and puffy, cheeks slick with tears on top of the rain. Her clothes weren't well put-together either, and Miku spied the training bra she had been wearing earlier, hidden under an oversized t-shirt which clung to her like a second skin.

"Well there you have it," Meiko grumbled. The tall brunette looked no better, her short hair stuck to her forehead. "She's home."

"I'm sorry for all the chaos," Miku said to her.

"Please. We'll talk about that _after_ you two sort whatever happened."

"You're ok?" Luka asked, still stuck on the floor.

"I'm alright, dear," Miku said, getting out of bed. She still had her towel at hand. "You're not, though."

"You're back?"

"I am." The tealette kneeled in front of her, wrapping the towel around her. "To stay, if you want."

"Then I'm ok, now."

Meiko sighed. "Fantastic. Make sure she comes to the dojo."

"I will. Thank you for looking after her."

"No problemo, friend. Good night."

"Take an umbrella," the tealette offered, pointing to the small bin by their coats. 

Meiko didn't have to be asked twice and opened the door armed with a hideous neon-green umbrella. "I'll give it back to Luka when she comes to the dojo," she muttered as she opened the door.

"That works. Get home safe!"

With only a wave, Meiko left the two alone. Luka was staring at the tealette with wide-eyed wonder and adoration.

"I thought..."

"It was me, I'm sorry," Miku whispered, drying her cheeks with the towel. She was still dripping water everywhere. "I was stupid and scared and very impressionable."

"I love you."

"I love you too. Come to bed?"

Luka sighed, her entire body looking like it was made of jelly. "I... Yeah."

She cooperated when Miku lifted her up from the floor though, letting the tealette support her weight and get her to the bathroom. Once there, Miku dashed off to prepare the tank top and the boy shorts she wore to bed before she painstakingly peeled off her jeans while Luka managed to pull the oversized shirt and training bra over her head. 

In the blinding white bathroom, in the dead of night, Luka shivered, small and naked and frail. "Cold."

"I know."

Miku dried her off as best as she could, wanting to get some clothes on her as quickly as possible. She helped the other woman into her shorts and tank top before toweling her hair until it stopped dripping. Luka stopped shivering and leaned into the touches, humming when Miku started brushing the worst of knots out of the damp mass.

Once done, Miku poured her some water and grabbed an aspirin from the cabinet. 

"Take this."

Luka obeyed, somewhat able to drink on her own. 

"There you go," Miku said softly, taking the glass back from her. "Feeling better?"

"I love you." 

Miku smiled and gave her a long kiss. She reeked of various strong drinks, with an aftertaste of cigarette smoke that clung to her skin. But when Luka kissed back, clumsy and as affectionate as ever, she couldn't help but smile a bit more. "I know."

Luka sighed, arms wrapping around her form. Her skin was cold. "Tired..."

"Let's go to sleep, then."

Miku helped her stand again, leading them both to their bed. Slowly, like her bones were made of molasses, Luka let herself sink under the covers. The tealette made one last detour to pour her a tall glass of water and set it on her nightstand. Luka watched her, eyes barely peeking over the blanket, and gave her a thankful hum when Miku finally joined her. 

"You're warm," the taller woman slurred, draping an arm over her girlfriend's frame.

"You're freezing," Miku teased, yet she snuggled up to her anyway. 

"You're staying?"

"I'm staying."

"Good," Luka kissed her this time, tired and clumsy and probably already half-asleep, but the gesture spoke volumes.

Miku held her, felt her breaths even out as sleep took her, felt her warm up with every passing minute, felt how the rain was finally singing her to sleep as well.

* * *

Miku awoke to blinding daylight. Neither of them had pulled the blinds the previous night, letting the sun come in and do as it pleased. She heard Luka grumble, felt her sit up, turn, reach over to her nightstand. Seconds later, she heard her put the glass down with a thud.

Luka breathed for a moment before lying back down, her arms immediately wrapping around her like she might fly away without warning. Just when Miku decided she wouldn't go back to sleep just yet, Luka kissed her forehead, the love laced with relief and fear. 

"Thank God you're here..."

"I'm here, I'm here," Miku muttered to her, returning the embrace. 

Luka's first reaction was to pepper her with sleepy kisses. "I was so worried."

"I'm so sorry."

"You're ok?"

Miku shook her head. "Am I ok? Forget me, are you ok?!"

"I'm fine now."

"You're not angry?"

Luka sighed, stopping the shower of affection to pull the tealette even closer. "I'm confused. A bit upset. Not angry."

"You're allowed to be angry..."

"Would it help?" 

"No..."

"I'm not angry."

Miku felt like she might cry; she loved Luka so much. "Ok."

"Want to talk about it?"

"It would be a good idea."

Luka hummed, still sleepy and lazy. "Alright. Right now?"

"Whenever."

"Is it a long story?"

"No. It was more of the same, really," Miku muttered, playing with the ends of Luka's hair. 

The taller woman pressed their foreheads together; her eyes weren't puffy anymore, but she was clearly sleepy. "Was it your friends, yesterday?"

The tealette admired her; she was the most beautiful woman she had ever seen. She had always been. 

"It's not just my friends. I had a bad couple of days."

"Ah, your parents, too? Was it so bad?"

Miku shrugged. "They said a bunch of things I didn't like. When I brought it up with my friends, they didn't react the way I expected them to."

Luka's half-closed eyes opened to gaze back at her. They were so blue. "Right. Was it about me?"

"As per usual with my parents, yeah."

"Still don't like me much, huh."

"No."

"And our old friends agree?"

Miku nodded, eyes downcast. Luka cupped her face with one hand, a reassuring gesture; they had been over this before.

"What did they say?"

"My parents suggested that I might take this 'start of a new chapter' to find a better partner more suited for the long-term."

"Oh."

"And my friends, well, they basically said that you're nothing more than a relapse waiting to happen. That you'll inevitably go back to being a cheat or a dealer or a scoundrel sooner or later. And that yeah, I should jump ship once I don't depend on you for my studies anymore."

Luka sighed, her hand starting to lazily comb through Miku's bangs. "I really should have joined you last time you all met up."

"Yes, but then they would have criticized you for not holding your promise of staying away from them. They're the ones who burned the bridge. It's their fault that they don't know you, now."

"But you're the one paying for it," Luka muttered. "They shouldn't speak to you like that."

"They shouldn't speak about you like that," Miku corrected. "They don't have a clue."

"So you don't believe them?"

Miku looked at her girlfriend, eyes dyed by slight apprehension. "For a second, I could almost be swayed. But no. I don't."

Luka let out a breath. "Thank God."

"I'm sorry..."

"No, it's fine. We all have these moments," she said with a chuckle. "I know better than anybody."

Miku nodded and sank into her arms once again. "I don't want to leave you."

"I'd never forgive myself if I ever make you leave," Luka whispered back. 

"What do we do, though?" 

"What do you mean?"

Miku drew back a bit, just enough to face her. "About everybody. Yesterday was the first time I could see Rin, Len and Gumi all at the same time in a year, and I left ten minutes in. They're convinced we're doomed from the start. And my parents think so too, just because we can't get married."

"What is there to do?" Luka asked as Miku ran her fingers through her hair, separating the greasy, sweat-coated strands. "Gross."

"Shush."

"I haven't showered in two—"

"Shush!"

Luka chuckled. "But really, what else is there to do? The best revenge is to live our best lives, isn't it?"

"I don't want revenge, though," Miku said as she delicately pulled the knots out of her hair. "I want understanding."

"You just said that your friends don't want to see me again. And I don't think anything will change your parents' minds."

Miku sighed. "I don't know. It's like nothing I said mattered. All that counted was how you were back then."

"'Once a rotten bastard, always a rotten bastard' I take it?"

"Yeah," the tealette said with a scoff. 

"Well, something has to give," Luka started. "And I don't intend to do that. Maybe you could call your friends and see if we can't convince them to indulge in my presence for a bit. See if we can't find common ground."

"You'd better have an amazing apology prepared."

"Are you kidding? I'm the queen of apologies."

Miku chuckled, remembering a specific bouquet of flowers. "Yeah, you are."

"And if they say no, then..." Luka trailed off. "I don't know. You have other friends."

"I do."

"If our old pals won't be so understanding, then maybe these other friends are more worth our energy."

"They might be."

Luka frowned. "I don't like the fact that you have to choose."

"Neither do I. But if I have to have that conversation with them every time we meet up..." She sighed. 

"Right." The taller woman paused. "You have that conversation with them every time?"

"Every time! I think it was worse yesterday because, well, so much potential for change is on the horizon—"

"I wasn't asking for an explanation," Luka softly told her, kissing her brow. "But I can't believe that you can't hang out with your friends without them being judgmental."

"I know."

"And you can't even visit your parents without them trying their own homebrew of conversation therapy on you."

"I wonder why I even visit."

"Well, you love them."

"While they love an idea of me." Miku sighed. "I need to talk with all of them. And if they won't listen, then maybe I'll stop trying."

Luka blinked. "What do you mean?"

"I've been so patient with them for years. After all this? I think my patience has finally run out."

"Are you telling me that you're going to give them an ultimatum?"

"Perhaps."

The taller woman shook her head with a laugh. "That worked on me, back in the day. Let's see if that works on them."

"Yeah."

"Call Gumi while she's still in town, yeah? See if you can't organize one last meet-up before she goes."

Miku sat up and retrieved her phone from her nightstand. "Alright. Gumi is probably jet-lagged out of her mind, so she's most likely up already."

"’Already?’"

"It's seven in the morning."

Luka groaned. "Seriously?"

"Seriously," the tealette said with a chuckle. 

"Then I'm going to catch an extra wink of sleep."

"Oh, so will I. But first, I'll arrange for a few visits."

"Alright." 

Miku called her friend, Luka wiggling over so she could keep her arms wrapped around her waist. Gumi was available that afternoon, so they agreed to meet up at the park again later that day. After they hung up, the tealette texted the blonde twins before sliding back under the covers and finding her spot in Luka's arms.

"Not calling your parents?" she asked, already half-asleep despite the blinding light in the room.

"Later."

"Ok." After a moment, Luka muttered, "Hey."

"Yeah?"

"Next time... Will you just tell me what's up? Instead of just running off like that?"

"Of course. I promise."

Luka hummed. "I love you."

"I love you, too."


End file.
